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Things My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

10. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

11. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

12. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

13. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

14. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

15. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

16. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

17. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

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